With open arms, open eyes and a heart wide open...
I bid farewell to 2007!
The past few years I had been grabbing tightly to time. Snapping everything up and holding tight... just begging for time to stop.
I needed time to adjust to so many changes...
a confirmed diagnosis of lupus,
the loss of my career,
the loss of my closest friend to cancer,
and the loss of my identity.
With so much time on my hands, I had felt that time was flying, zooming, raging too fast. I couldn't grab it all up.
And being the mother of a young child compounds the speed of time.
Any parent can attest to this as you watch your toddler magically go from smearing chocolate pudding into his hair to running leaping, chasing butterflies, to learning multiplication, to "Mom! I'm too big for that!"
I have learned that by desperately trying to make time stand still, all I have accomplished is to lose time.
Life moves forward... and be assured life stops for nothing.
During all the desperation I encountered over the past few years, I had the curse (and blessing) of having a lot of time on my hands...
or should I say time on my mind?
I was not aware of how much time lupus can give you.
Lupus gave me the time to reflect.
Being too ill to be busy, busy, busy...
I had time to look inside.
I wish I had had a map, or even better a script, to tell me how to go about the whole introspection thing,
but such voyages do not come with instructions.
So, I have bounced around willy nilly looking about at the stuff this life has accumulated.
Lots of junk in the attic of my mind that has gotten cumbersome... heavy.
And a whole passel of really bad habits, including trying to be a time keeper.
While sorting through that mental attic, I discovered that time is an illusion.
You can live in the past, you can be completely immersed in a future that has not happened, yet...
or you can live in the present.
Some folks have even mastered living in a moment... or one moment at a time.
Nope...
not there...
yet.
(working on that, though)
Anyway, I just got on this whole train of thought this evening because of the whole New Year's resolution thing.
I see all those dieting commercials on television and ask myself if I would really be happier if I were 10 lbs. lighter?
If you have lupus, that becomes an almost totally absurd question.
We really can not expend energy on 10 pounds. Between the medications and the disease process... we can be skinny as a scarecrow to inflating like a balloon from steroids.
Ten pounds is irrelevant.
So I tossed out that worn out resolution of guilt that many woman seem to hold onto tightly.
I have decided to lose about 10 pounds of personal baggage, though.
I know I would feel a LOT better if I lost some bad habits... even one would suffice if I can stick with it!
And I know I would feel even better than better if I took on 10 more pounds of soul... the fruits of the spirit:
LOVE
JOY
PEACE
PATIENCE
KINDNESS
GOODNESS
FAITHFULNESS
GENTLENESS &
SELF-CONTROL
Yep, there's plenty here to work with.
So, instead of dreading another year passing, I am EXCITED!
Come this Spring, I will be on the five year mark of a confirmed diagnosis. My grieving time has been long, complicated by the death of a loved one and a terribly long adjustment period.
But, the time for grieving has passed.
I thought lupus had taken everything away from me, but it can not.
If I focus on the things that are truly important, the things that become the legacy we leave behind when we pass from this world...
there is plenty of work (and time) to do.
Lupus can be a hindrance, but she has become my launching pad into the second half of my life.
She has given me the luxury of time, the luxury of quietness for introspection, and in the testing of the dark nights of the soul...
Lupus has guided me to a light, an opportunity to move forward with less baggage...
at least 10 pounds...
and more soul!
Wish I could say "Lupie Thoughts on a Monday Morning", but I somehow have managed to lose the morning.
I am having a frustrating set back... this seems to happen every holiday season. Have been in bed way too much, and had to use the "big gun" medications today.
So I am sitting on the couch watching (I should be embarrassed to admit this, but here goes...) DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES OF ORANGE COUNTY. Okay, maybe they are not desperate, but they SHOULD be.
Thank God I am not that rich.
I would make a really silly rich woman. I don't like diamonds, I like my tiny little house, I cover up my womanly curves (for Hubby's eyes only), and I do not care one wit what my neighbors are up to... just as long as they are not shooting bottle rockets at my front yard, or drag racing where the kids like to play.
So, what was the point here?
Oh, yes...
I have found my vocational calling while watching the Housewives this afternoon.
One of the ladies has hired some guy to help her have a tiny rear end.
(Sounds desperate to me!)
So, he's going through her food pantry, and tossing out all of the CHOCOLATE!
And I thought to myself, "Holy cow! I WANT that guy's job!"
Can you IMAGINE?
Someone willing to pay you money to come into your house and take away all your goodies????
If someone came into my house and started raiding my ice cream DIBS, he would be thrown into the nearest snow bank...
which is really not that far..
actually...
there's one at my front door.
Okay, okay...
I would let him eat some of the DIBS, and I really wouldn't throw him into a snowbank...
I couldn't even if I wanted to.
But, I sure am not crazy enough to PAY someone to do that!
So, I express my gratitude to the Universe for the Desperate Housewives of Orange County. I am grateful for my Buffalo Gal butt, and that I don't have to pay somebody to cart away my sweets like an evil kitchen nabbing grinch.
'nuf said!
Science Oddities and an UpdateEveryone needs a break from lupus... boy do we!So here's a link to a fun science blog with fascinating science oddities:Oddee - Quality EntertainmentUPDATE:
I am going to write about :MABEL THE MIGRAINE MONSTER
and such... feel free to skip!
I am down and out for the count with the breakthrough migraine pain. The neurologist prescribed a very strong medicine for the breakthroughs. It saves me from extra emergency room visits, and untold suffering.
But, I am a tad overwhelmed with the whole MABEL thing right now because she has been incredibly active since Thanksgiving.
The medication is VERY strong, and I tend to wait awhile before taking it. Many of you with these pain issues know what it's like. When you live with constant pain... you learn to tough it out to see if it just might ease up.
The problem with this breakthrough migraine medication seems to be that you have to take it sooner rather than later. It just doesn't seem to be as effective if I wait too long.
I am not complaining about this. Actually I am grateful that there is something now available. But, the medication makes me truly feel STONED. I do not like that feeling. With life feeling so out of control so much, I don't like feeling like my mind is not completely in charge.
I have been on Lyrica since about mid-October. The results seem to be good. I have the use of my left arm and left hand back. It took several weeks to deal with the side effects. I was sleepy all the time, and the munchies hit big time with this one.
From what I am hearing from other online lupus patients, reactions are mixed. Some folks are also benefitting, some have noticed no change, and there have been some allergic reactions.
The Thanksgiving holiday was terrific. We got to spend time with many, many family members. I finally got to meet my two newest great neices! That was beyond the beyonds of happiness.
Got to spend more visiting time last weekend with another neice... so wonderful. (Sorry I fell asleep on you, Chris!)
Had to take a break from the comic strip due to the lupus being naughty this week. Hands are too shaky to paint.
Going to be slowing down with online volunteerism and writing until after the New Year. I want to save the spoons (energy) for my family.
I wanted to offer my gratitude to everyone who has been visiting the blogs and website. I finally got the Site Meter to cohesively count all the locations as one. (I post Life Beyond Lupus on three blog servers). I can not believe how many people have come through this year.
Thank you! Thank you!
I will continue to work hard to update the lupus blogs and website.
Many Blessings to Everyone!
Lupus has been a difficult teacher; and often her lessons have been unwelcome.
But, even in the midst of adversity some gems can be harvested through the chaos of living with a chronic disease.
Here are some lessons I have learned along the way:
1. The more I learn, the less I know.
2. Everyone has a story; what each person has to say is important.READ MORE by clicking the link below:http://lifebeyondlupus.com/lbllifebeyondlupus.html
